in constant need of grace

more than i could have ever imagined has gone down since my last post. the past few months have been incredibly challenging. im not talking about school or friendships, relationships.. i mean ive been in constant need of grace. God has proven his faithfulness to me time and time again. when would i prove my faith in him? living in fear every day humbled me beyond belief. there were moments that i resorted to punishment. manipulation. anything i could think of to save myself. my future. my very life. but in the end, i couldnt save myself. i thought i was waiting on the Lord to deliver me from evil, but i wasnt. i was getting in my own way. forfeiting control, allowing his sovereignty into my life made all the difference. compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. it was a daily struggle to demonstrate this to someone who only seemed to want to break me, but without the Lord, i am not beyond the same hurtful, evil things. who am i to deny this person Christ's love? as i walked through this, i began to understand that there was never a moment when the Lord didnt have unfailing love for me and for this other person. it just took getting over myself to see it. when i got to end of me, i found the true greatness of God.

"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.
"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." Luke 6:27-36

With my baptism coming up, ive been spending a lot of time reflecting on the grace hes shown me, the promises, the infinite love. the Lord has blessed me with a powerful testimony of his love and power. he truly has conquered death. with him, i have nothing to fear. nothing can ever snatch me from his hand. its not until the Lord carries you through the darkest moments of your life that you realize the point of it all: glory be forever to Him. amen.