i havent been able to sleep well lately.. i thought winter break was supposed to be a BREAK. oh well.
i had a feeling being at home would be hard, but dang.. its like a million times harder than i thought! the last 3 years my life revolved around school, work and craig. if i wasnt at school or working, i was in lodi. it was the safest bet around. now that i have none of those, i have no idea what to do..
craig has been trying to work his way back into my life lately and at times, i can feel myself giving in. i know i dont want to be with him or anyone like him ever again, but im so bored here that has become such a hard temptation to resist. ive recognized what my heart wants, but the devil just tears me down each time.
TRUTH: a relationship with craig means reliving every sinful, awful feeling ive ever had and i just want to get rid of it.
LIE: i need that in my life to feel okay. im not worthy of anything better. <-- thats where the abandonment issues come in.. oh goodness.
theres more, but i'll spare you the details and just say that being home has been quite emotionally draining. im hoping it gets better, but please pray for me :)
stay tuned for my next blog: "crushes! whats the point, God??!?!" haha
@nickayy: post some pictures from colorado!!!!! :)
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oh jenn, i'll definitely be praying for you. gosh, i know that's tough. and i definitely know what that feels like. i wish we weren't so far away, i'd definitely tell you to hang out with me here at home. because i know my family would love you [: and well, i've been home all alone too with nothing to do. none of my friends are in town and it can get kind of lonely. but you know what my solution is everytime i start to feel lonely? yup, you guessed it. spending time with God! trust me, it works. he def wants to spend time with you. and i can assure you that he'll comfort you in your times of loneliness.
ReplyDeletehold on to the Lord's promises for you girl. kuz i KNOW that you deserve much better. and YOU are truly worth it all. i love you <3